|
|
ATTENTION CITIZENS:
As part of the Bush Administration's ongoing efforts to obliterate all traces of terrorism in the United States, the Department of Justice has banned the following books to protect each and every American Patriot. As for the Terrorists, we don't need a reason to put you guys in jail anyway.
- John Ashcroft
United States Attorney General
 The 9/11 Commission Report Author(s): 9 Idiots and Slade Gorton Banning reason: Failed to blame Clinton and the Jews for 9/11. |
 My Life Author(s): Bill Clinton Banning reason: Clinton lies about his horrible, satanic presidency. |
 1984 Author(s): George Orwell Banning reason: Releases too much to the public about the Republicans' perfect world. |
 Against All Enemies Author(s): Richard A. Clarke Banning reason: Uses facts to correctly blame Lord Bush for 9/11. |
 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Author(s): J. K. Rowling Banning reason: Contains Witchcraft. |
 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Author(s): J. K. Rowling Banning reason: Contains Witchcraft. |
 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Author(s): J. K. Rowling Banning reason: Contains Witchcraft. |
 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Author(s): J. K. Rowling Banning reason: Contains Witchcraft. |
 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Author(s): J. K. Rowling Banning reason: Contains Witchcraft. |
 Our Plan for America Author(s): John Kerry and John Edwards Banning reason: Written by Thought Criminals. The book flip-flops too much and has a pessimist tone. |
 Complete Jewish Bible Author(s): Some Jew Banning reason: The Jewish version of the Bible is satanic in nature. |
 Communist Manifesto Author(s): Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels Banning reason: |
 The Koran Author(s): Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein Banning reason: |
 A Call to Service Author(s): John Kerry Banning reason: Written by a Truth-Telling, Flip-Flopping, Thought Criminal. |
 The New Oxford Annotated Bible Author(s): Non-Atheist Liberals Banning reason: Not the King James Version of the Holy Bible. |
 The Bush-Hater's Handbook Author(s): Jack Huberman Banning reason: Uses facts to claim Bush's presidency is bad for America. |
 Gifts of the Jews Author(s): Thomas Cahill Banning reason: The only gift Jews gave Republicans was heat from the oven. |
 Four Trials Author(s): John Edwards Banning reason: Written by an evil Trial Lawyer, who takes money from corporations and gives it to the poor and injured. |
 House of Bush, House of Saud Author(s): Craig Unger Banning reason: Exposes the relationship between the Bush family and the non-terrorist Arabiac Saudi royal family. |
 The Family Author(s): Kitty Kelley Banning reason: Tells the Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. |
 The Price of Loyalty Author(s): Paul O'Neill and Ron Suskind Banning reason: Paul O'Neill broke his oath of secrecy and released harmful truths to the liberal, jewish terrorists. |
 Tour of Duty Author(s): Douglas Brinkley Banning reason: Has facts that disputed the things the god-endorsed Swift Boats Vets say about John "Flip-Flop" Kerry. |
 Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them Author(s): Al Franken Banning reason: Calling Republicans liars by using stupid things like facts and the truth is hardly fair or balanced. |
 Dude, Where's My Country? Author(s): Michael Moore Banning reason: Michael Moore likes the French. Nuff said. |
 Stupid White Men Author(s): Michael Moore Banning reason: Michael Moore is a Big Fat Stupid White Man. Nuff said. |
 John F. Kerry Author(s): Michael Kranish Banning reason: Fails to mention Kerry is an unprincipled flip-flopper and an overly principled liberal. |
 Plan of Attack Author(s): Bob Woodward Banning reason: Woodward destroyed Lord Nixon and tricked Lord Bush into saying bad things like the truth. |
 The Lies of George W. Bush Author(s): David Corn Banning reason: Modern child-raping Christians say lies are good things. Bush is not a child-raper. See, lies are good. |
 Big Lies Author(s):Joe Conason Banning reason: Says Right-Wing Propaganda Machine distorts the truth. So...God says he wants us to do it. |
 The Candidate Author(s): Paul Alexander Banning reason: John Kerry has too many books with his picture and name on them. |
 The Book on Bush Author(s):Eric Alterman Banning reason: Lord George W. Bush is the Bestest Leader ever, but this book says different. |
 Author(s): Michael Moore Banning reason: Michael Moore wears a baseball cap, glasses and has a beard, so he is a liar. |
 George W. Bushisms Author(s): Jacob Weisberg Banning reason: Liberals vociferously searched the evil Internets for misunderestimated quotes by the Dubya. |
 Bushwhacked Author(s): Molly Ivins Banning reason: Says life in America is not the bestest but it has been better than than when Hitler ruled over our Republican grandfathers. |
 Losing America Author(s): Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV) Banning reason: Byrd is a traitor to all racists and klansman for not still being a racist or klansman. |
 Had Enough? A Handbook for Fighting Back Author(s): James Carville Banning reason: We like the picture, but James is still a black, Jew and Clinton lover. |
 A Matter of Character Author(s): Ronald Kessler Banning reason: Um...er...he...the Jews killed Christ! |
 You Have the Power Author(s): Howard Dean Banning reason: We're gonna destroy freedom...the flag... and democracy. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! |
 Disarming Iraq Author(s): Hans Blix Banning reason: Hans Blix is a UN pussy. |
 American Dynasty Author(s): Kevin Phillips Banning reason: The Bush family is the bestest of all White American families despite what you Black-lover liberals say. |
 Fraud Author(s): Paul Waldman Banning reason: The only thing that is a fraud is the truth. |
 Living History Author(s): Hillary Rodham Clinton Banning reason: Hillary is the U.S. Senator for the Godless Pinko Liberal Sodomite Hell known as Jew York City. |
 The I Hate Republicans Reader Author(s): Clint Willis Banning reason: We hate Freedom of Speech, so there. |
 Hunting of the President Author(s): Joe Conason Banning reason: God told us to attack Clinton cuz he wanted to help the poor. |
 Imperial Hubris Author(s): Anonymous Banning reason: What kind of parents call their kid Anonymous. They must be hippies. |
 Lost Liberties Author(s): Cynthia Brown Banning reason: Only REAL Christians get liberties, anyway. |
 The Republican Noise Machine Author(s): David Brock Banning reason: David Brock is a traitor to the Republicans and therefore a traitor to Christ. |
 Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot Author(s): Al Franken Banning reason: So is Michael Moore! |
 Shrub Author(s): Molly Ivins Banning reason: You again?! I thought we told you to get back in the Kitchen. |
 449 Stupid Things Republicans Have Said Author(s): Ted Rueter Banning reason: Facts are stupid, too! |
 Thieves in High Places Author(s): Jim Hightower Banning reason: We stole nothing and we don't smoke pot, either. |
 The Great Unraveling Author(s): Paul Krugman Banning reason: The unraveling of the American Democracy is really a good thing for Jesus. |
 Rise of the Vulcans Author(s): James Mann Banning reason: Mr. Mann likes Star Trek. Get a life, Jew! |
 Worse Than Watergate Author(s): John W. Dean Banning reason: Watergate? Republicans only learned about Zippergate in school. |
 The Politics of Truth Author(s): Joseph Wilson Banning reason: Stop whining Joe! You should have lied for us not betray Jesus with the truth. |
 Where the Right Went Wrong Author(s): Patrick J. Buchanan Banning reason: At least he didn't lose us the 2004 election, like he did the 1992 one. |